Communication and sexual relations in the dumps with your mate? Or you think back on your last relationship and wonder if you want to go back “there” again.
You think “hey, I’m loyal, I work hard, I’m not complicated, I’m easy to please!” “Why can’t she be?” Why do I often feel like I am in the dog house for something!
Being spoken to like a second class citizen is a common lament. And Ladies, do we know why we do it? You know, that place in our relationship that expresses itself as a disconnect – not in actions, but in a tone of voice?
Women in a longer term relationship (like marriage), especially women who juggle home, work, kids, community (like most of us) tend to get a little parental in the way they speak to their husbands. You know the tone I mean, it’s the one that sounds like “how do you get through your day you are such a moron” coming out? This is SO easy to do – I know because unfortunately I used to do it myself. It’s this passive aggressive thing that really means something else isn’t right.
Both parties need to be aware of this, and squelch it because it is really destructive. Let’s try and break this bad cycle. We truly do love you and want to support you. Here is a suggestion to start a more positive pattern.
Guys if you hear this tone, don’t let it continue – stop and say “hey, you are speaking to me like something else is gong on – what’s up?”. And see what comes out.
See if you can take her aside and ask where the two of you can fit in some alone time in the next week – maybe a dinner out or a weekend walk, Ladies, I know you are busy (always) but be open, receptive and impressed. Say yes, thank you!
This week, male or female, dating or married, show some appreciation for your mate in the form of specifically being thankful for something. Complement him (or her) in several ways, both physically and emotionally. Make sure you point out something he or she did right, and bite your tongue on the wrongs. Make sure you schedule some quiet time together, and ask questions about the other person. Engage in connected conversation and show you are interested. And when you get home, open your arms to them and your love.
Because when we women feel heard and loved emotionally we can trust and release into the physical.